Not such a happy ending...

Well the good news is that we are home again, the bad news is that our driver was 3 1/2 hours late picking us up so we didn't get home until 4.00pm and had to stand/sit/walk around the Ocean Terminal for all that time.  Needless to say that I was pretty fuming when he did arrive and said "it's all my fault, I overslept."

We had been given strict instructions by Colin Maxwell to be on the first wave of people exiting the ship so we were up very early (around 6.15am) so that we could be at the Conservatory restaurant when it opened - in fact we didn't get there until it had been open for 30 minutes and had great difficulty getting a seat.  Hilary bagged a couple while I got me some fried eggs, beans, mushrooms, fried bread and toast.  good job too considering the wait that was to come.  With bellies full we hung around then for over an hour waiting to be called and as soon as Pink came up I was down the stairs at a trot and into the baggage hall.  The bags were easily found (we only had two that we checked) and we were out to the lounge by 9.05am.  No driver but "he will be there by 9.30am" we had been reassured on the way up so no panic on our part just a little disappointment that he hadn't arrived early.

By 10.00am we were getting antsy and I was looking for a public phone as we had left our mobile at home (well we never use it anyway!), so it was up the escalator to Enquiries and yes the nice lady said she would call the number for me.  Two goes and she got through - "sorry about that Mr Woollard, the driver was late leaving, he will be there by 10.45am".  Much snorting by me but nothing we could do about it.  The time he was due came and went, so back to Enquiries, this time a different lady who lent me her personal mobile.  "Isn't he there yet Mr Woollard?  Let me check with him..... "he's at Ringwood, be there in 30 minutes."  Another hour goes by and Hilary is about to book a different taxi when I persuad the first lady to let me use the Enquiries phone again.  This time I go the driver's mobile so that I could talk to him direct - "I'm at Ikea, be with you in 15 minutes," well of course 30 minutes go by and back to the second lady who lends me her personal mobile "I'm stuck in traffic, I can see the security men in yellow coats, be there in 5 minutes".  By now Hilary is on first name terms with the security men outside who are directing all the people arriving for the next cruise on Oriana due to to leave at 5.00pm and I am only half joking when I think about trying to book to go on it!

The driver John eventually turned up, took the blame for the delay, said that he had a late call the previous day and got to bed at 2.30am and didn't wake up for his alarm at 6.00am to come and get us blah, blah, blah.  We drove home in total stony silence, non-stop, no tea break, no pee break just the two of us in the back silently thinking "let's get this bloody nightmare over with."  We arrived dead on 4.00pm and put the kettle on!  Now all we have to do is unpack, grab a swift meal and fall in bed.

The really, really good news in all of this is that I now have a broadband that works and I can post this in seconds.  Night all....

Last night at the Proms

I don’t know how well you will be able to see this picture but it was given to me by the Headliners cast after the show tonight.  I managed to scribble out a poem for them which they seemed to enjoy and I have tried to attach it here ……  I hope you can read it and that it posts OK.  Clocks go back tonight and yes I have it right this time so by the time you read this we may well be home.  Thank you and goodnight readers, followers and commentators!

The Headliners are stars in the making.

While singing in tune

They fair make us swoon

The West End is there for the taking.

It’s Michael who leads this fine cast.

He leaps like a deer

A man with no fear

His entrechats never surpassed.

Edward sings songs with great glee.

His voice strong and clear

We all want to cheer

When he duets with singer Shellee.

Now Billy has powerful singing.

With energy to spare

Not a worry or a care.

Are they knickers the ladies are flinging?

Lee caresses his tune from the stage.

His voice rising steadily

As he gazes at Emily.

I wish I was half of their age!

The cast of the dancers is strong.

Oh my golly gosh,

There goes that young Josh.

This man can’t put a step wrong.

Six chorus girls make us feel merry.

Four blondes and two browns

To take away our frowns.

(The one with short hair is called Kerry).

Charlotte’s a brunette I’ll call Lotty.

She flits through the air

With never a care

A glamorous piece of totty!

Rebecca we’ll rename as Bex.

With such grace and poise

She’s a magnet for boys.

Who fall for those magnificent legs.

Veronica & Georgina are blondes.

With style and with grace

They light up the place.

Dance magicians without any wands.

Brunette Emily is our last dancer.

Just one of her tricks

Are fabulous high kicks

She’s surely a wonderful prancer.

You’ve given joy to a bunch of old farts

We’ve clapped and we’ve waved,

Our lives you have saved

So thanks from the bottom of our hearts.

Good luck with your future careers from Sam and Hilary Woollard Cabin C165

The final furlong

So here we are cruising through the Bay of Biscay which once again is as calm as a millpond, yesterday we did have a moderate swell but today there are no whitecaps or signs of disturbance on the water, in fact if the sea wasn’t that grey colour you would think that we were in the Caribbean – well that and the temperature outside is about 15C (60F.)  We finished our packing this morning and put the suitcases outside ready for collection and it seems that we were amongst the first to do so – now everything that is left will have to fit into the carry-out bags, but the good news is that this time we don’t have to carry the bloody elephants!

Our first port of call this morning was to go to the Peninsula Restaurant for breakfast where I could indulge in my favourite kippers, mushrooms and tomatoes with toast.  I will be well wired for the day as I also had two cups of full strength unleaded coffee but it did keep me awake for Terry Rockall’s last fingerprint lecture.  This was short today and mostly consisted of little anecdotes about some of the crime scenes he had witnessed but was followed by everyone in the audience having their thumbprint taken and analysed – I am a whorl while Hilary is a loop.  Those will go into the scrapbook along with many of the photos and postcards that we have bought.  We have thoroughly enjoyed his series of lectures, not the most fluent of speakers but very welcoming and with an engaging way of presenting his subject.

At this very moment we are back in the Crow’s Nest as it is too cold to sit outside for us, that and plus the fact that I have packed all my sweaters.  We picked a seat by the window and close to the Cyberstudy so that I could get a signal to use up the last of my internet minutes but it has a drawback as we have suddenly become surrounded by a group of people and a lecturer who is talking about Metabolism and how to lose weight.  It has become hard to concentrate on typing when someone is yakking on about kilocalories and how important they are and I shan’t be sorry when his little talk is over.  Part of the reason for sitting in this particular part of the Crow’s Nest is that it is so that I can connect to the internet and this guy is cramping my space, so I will concentrate on yesterday’s tour of the kitchens by Hilary.

All of the pictures were taken by Hilary as she passed the displays and I believe that she also sampled some of them (hopefully not a whole dolphin though)!  It was also the Chef’s special dinner last night and we got the full catering crew marching through the restaurant to the strains of Simply the Best.  All four of us on our table chose the shrimps to start, then the asparagus soup followed by the grilled salmon with all its different sauces and our waiter Suvin insisted on adding two small bowls of chips!  With a raspberry soufflé and ice cream dessert it was a very bloated foursome that made our way back to our cabins ready to pack our suitcases.

So has our cruise been a success – you betcha life it has – we have both thoroughly enjoyed it, we have seen some places that we have not been to before and we feel thoroughly relaxed, perhaps too much in my case as I could sleep all day given a chance.  It’s only 11.30am at the moment but I am going to post this, I may post again this afternoon or even after the final Headliner’s show tonight but don’t count on it.

Penultimate Blog

No early rise or swim today, there is a slight swell running but with the stabilizers out the motion is front to back rather than side to side and this creates quite a wave in the swimming pools.  I have probably had my last swim on Oriana for quite a while as tomorrow we will be in the Bay of Biscay proper and if today’s movement is anything to go by the water will be sloshing over the side of the pool.  There is also quite a wind whipping along the decks so there are more people moving around the inside of the ship than on the decks.  Of course there are always the ‘tan at all costs’ folks and when we walked across Deck 12 to grab a sandwich just now it was brown bellies to the fore with the exposure of lots of wrinkled skin facing the sun.  I happened to be up early on deck yesterday or the day before and watched a group of people, “you get your towels on those two Mabel, and I’ll get these  four for our friends, the sun will be coming from the aft and over this side, so make sure you angle them like this…”  Then it was “OK, now we have those loungers covered, I’ll go and get breakfast, while you go back to the cabin.”  Talk about the Germans, this lot had them beat hands down, the military precision on timing and layout was impeccable.

Down on the lower decks it is Sale Time, last night Hilary picked up a couple of pairs of trousers for £2 each and I have been eyeing up some sweaters but at 50% off £67 they are still out of my price range – I quite fancy the white Oriana bath robes at £15 but can you imagine me in one of those carrying a cup of tea?  Handbags and watches are reduced to £7.99 but the biggest queues are reserved for those buying spirits - we have thought about getting some Gin for the Pimms at the wedding but will probably forgo that bargain.

While I am writing this (and desperately trying to use up my minutes on the internet which have been costing me a fortune) Hilary is probably standing in line for the Chocoholic’s tour through the galley, she was warned that the queues can be quite long and as she missed it on the RTW she is not going to miss it this time.  That is not my idea of fun so I am giving it a miss although I have to say one of the little treats we have given ourselves up in the Crow’s Nest is the occasional mug of hot chocolate – very nice, but very fattening.

I handed over my poem to the Headliners last night, giving it to the team captain who said that he would read it out to the cast for me and then pin it up in their Green Room, I hope they liked it.  I really thought that last night was their final performance but I see now that we have one more tomorrow night so I might get a reaction to the poem after all.  We will see.  They had some great performances last night which concentrated on British musicals and I particularly enjoyed their excerpts from Cats, a great solo of Midnight followed by an incredibly enthusiastic dance/ballet number, this was just about equalled by their excerpt from Billy Elliott and Edward (my favourite of the male singers) showed that he is also an excellent dancer.  Can’t wait for tomorrow.

Tonight is the last formal night and this time it is black and white only so for one more time I have to squeeze into those black trousers with the stripe down the side.  Hilary has already picked out her outfit and it will include one of the silk hibiscus flowers she cut from an old lei on the RTW.  Look out for it in the pictures if I post them.  The picture I am posting today is the only one we have had taken of our dinner companions Peter and Kay on table 71.  Peter has not been in the best of health this past couple of days, he came down with a very croaky throat, the sniffles and a bit of a  cough about three days ago and he hasn’t really recovered completely yet.  He needs to because in a few weeks time he and Kay are flying to Venice for yet another cruise around the islands, but this time with some of their family and their grandchildren.  Kay is a very elegant lady who is splashing out today to have her hair done ready for the final formal night.

OK I can’t think of anything else to ramble on about so I will say goodnight, thank you for following the blog, thank you for the comments and our special thanks to our three official followers.  Tomorrow we have to pack our suitcases and leave them outside the cabin door overnight ready to be shipped to that vast pain in the backside warehouse in Southampton – let’s hope that this time I remember to collect them all before I exit the Customs Shed.

OK there are two pictures, one of table 71 and one of Hilary taken today sitting in the Crow's Nest doing the Sudoku (I gave up - too hard!)

Gibraltar

It’s been a funny old day – for a start I got the clocks wrong again!  I was convinced that I had read somewhere that they went back last night so Hilary and I dutifully changed our watches before we went to bed.  I was determined to be up at 7.00am so that I could swim without others getting in the way and up I got, switching the telly over to the ship’s information channel while I made a nice cup of tea.  “That’s funny,” I thought,” their clock shows that it is 8.00am.  Have I got it wrong again?”  And sure enough I had, no mention in Horizon of the clocks changing, no little notice from our cabin boy Agnelo and no mention of it by the dinner staff as we were leaving – so that’s another fine mess I got us into.  The upshot was of course that I had to share the pool with 3 others – but I nipped in first and got the longest length while they had to do with swimming to the steps and back (at least three strokes shorter).

We breakfasted in Al Fresco with a couple from Wales; to begin with I wasn’t too keen on him as he thought that the sea days going back home were “just a waste of time really, I could be out in the garden doing something useful.”  I was just starting to put him right when Hilary changed the subject and then we learned that this couple had married about 12 years ago and promptly went round the world for their honeymoon.  Not on a cruise of course (“too much bloody sea time man.  No we went to a local travel agent and he fixed us up with flights and hotels from Sydney to Fiji and America.  We had a great time.”  I warmed to him slightly but they are not a couple I would look for to have breakfast with again.

Then it was back to the Theatre Royal for a slightly gruesome talk by the fingerprint man who showed us how they take prints from dead bodies when the skin has started to peel away say from water immersion.  I won’t go into details but suffice it to say that I will never look at closely fitting gloves in the same light again.  We came out of the Theatre Royal into a mass of people all trying to either buy duty free booze at knock down prices or hanging around the chefs who were decorating plates with chocolate and coloured sauces, or entering the bed making competition, or in my case talking to the engineering staff about how the Oriana operates – and yes Julian before you ask I have got the technical brochure they were handing out.

I had to go back to the cabin for something and found a note on the bed asking me to contact the Passenger Relations Manager concerning my suggestion to give every Portunus member a 16 point bonus for being on this birthday cruise.  He was useless of course, explaining that the Captain thought it was a good idea, he thought it was a good idea but they hadn’t planned on doing so when the cruise started, it wasn’t a special Portunus cruise etc. etc.  I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of their wishy washy words to put me off, I told him that they had ship to shore communication and could call Southampton to get it done but he would have none of it.  “Can’t help I’m afraid,” was the general attitude.  I told him that I wanted to contact the head of Portunus and got a card from him so I have emailed her explaining the situation and asking for a quick reply.  But I now realise that all he gave me was his boss’s details in Southampton and she probably can’t do much either.  I will persist by phone and letter when I get back but my chances are slim to none I think.  Once this 16^th birthday cruise is over the whole thing will be forgotten.

We skipped lunch today, unless you call one honey crumble biscuit lunch, and then went to see Mr Shakespeare whose lecture and sonnet were very good this time around and I didn’t doze off at all.  His theme was where Shakespeare got his information from to write his plays and how he changed the source material to make it more dramatic.  He was particularly good concerning Romeo and Juliet.  But his lecture finished at 2.30pm and everyone rushed out to try and see The Rock of Gibraltar from the deck – it was misty and we passed it without any great fanfare – so tonight we turn the corner and head north into the Bay of Biscay.  Wish us well….

Tonight is the last Headliners show, True Brit, and it is one we have been looking forward to.  As a tribute I have written a poem for them, personally I don’t think it scans as well as it should but I want to give it to them after the show tonight so it will have to do.  I have incorporated all their names so each one has a little stanza to themselves and I just hope they enjoy it.  On the RTW I had a long time to write their tribute and that went over well, so tomorrow I’ll let you know how I get on.

See some of you Saturday!

Palma

Well our last port of call was quite a surprise, we had fabulous weather, a free shuttle bus to take us into the city centre and several hours to ourselves to wander the narrow streets around the cathedral and beyond.  We set out with roughly €20 between us so we knew that we wouldn’t be doing much shopping and we also knew that it wasn’t enough to go on the round the city tour bus either, the last straw was that when we got to the cathedral it was closed (it opened 10 minutes later at 10.00am but by then was queued up to get in) and they wanted four of our precious euros each, so we didn’t go in after all.

I wasn’t going to post this first picture, me eating a hearty breakfast, but then it was taken after a very healthy early morning (7.15am) swim during which I managed 30 lengths before I had to stop and have a shower.  Having started swimming again has made me realise how much I miss it and how good it is for me, so if I can find the willpower I will try and get back to Meadowlands at least  once a week.

I would really like to come back to Mallorca and Palma for a longer stay, it seems to be an island with a lot going for it and reading the small brochure that came with the cruise there is quite a lot to see and do and certainly the people seem very friendly and not too pushy.  Apart from the men with the horse and cart who want to take you on a sight-seeing tour that is – they did not want to take no for an answer.  There was an abundance of living statues, one couple in particular all covered in red dirt and dressed to look like old American farmers were very good and I even gave them one of our precious euro coins.  We spent a few more when we saw a sidewalk café with a little strawberry tart in the window and we calculated that we had enough for one of them plus two cappuccinos but the big splurge had to be another handmade lace tablecloth that we saw in a shop window.  They took Visa of course and so another €48 was added to our credit card.  But the area known as the Rambla (they have a similar one in Barcelona called Las Ramblas) is great for tourist type shopping.  Our one failure was to get a fridge magnet as they were all priced at €2.95 and we refuse to pay more than €1.00.  Our biggest discovery was when we were lost (at least I was) and we found this lovely 4 lane highway where down the centre of it was all ladies selling flowers in bouquets, bunches and pots, the scent of the lilies was very strong and some of the hydrangeas were pure white.  Hilary managed to find our way back to the coach stop, my only technique was to keep going downhill knowing that it would eventually lead to the sea, but hers was more scientific – keep looking for the cathedral because it was near there the coach dropped us off….. it worked and we got back to the ship long before the allotted time.  We had sufficient time in fact to have a nice cup of tea before we went to the stern to watch The Great British Sail Away.  It was good fun actually with lots of flag waving and singing but we had practised for it the night before in the Theatre Royal as a prequel to the Headliners version of At the Hop.

We had seen that done before on the RTW so we knew that it was a very high energy show and the cast did themselves proud, as always I had a chat with them afterwards and gave them a bit of praise for they do deserve it.  It is a shame that they have to appear in front of such a bunch of old farts to be quite frank as after about 4 claps on the beat of a song they all go back to sleep.  These kids really need to see people dancing in the aisles but as I said to them if I did it I would be the only one – and I am always disgusted when half way through the last number some of the audience get up to leave so that they can grab their seats for whatever is happening next in the Crow’s Nest or wherever they are heading off to.  Shame on them, for the dancers and singers all leave the stage at the end of the performance to go up the aisles to stand by the doorways so that they can talk to the audience.  Last night they had to practically force themselves through hordes of greybeards trying to get out - it’s just not right!

OK rant over, I’m going to post this now together with a few photos of Palma.  Tomorrow it really is heading home time; no more stops it’s just full speed to Southampton, but with a bit of luck and if the timing is right we might just see the Rock of Gibraltar out of our window.  Night all…

Heading Home

It’s Monday and breezy on deck but I did get up early today and go for a swim.  At 8.00am I thought that I would be the only one in the pool but two others had beaten me to it.   The wind was really whipping across the deck but at least the pool was warm and over the course of the next 20 minutes I managed to do 30 lengths, a combination of breaststroke and thrashing around on my back.  I was reluctant to come out to be honest as I knew that I had to scurry across the open deck to get to my clothes but then it was into the warm shower.  I may have mentioned it before but I really like the deck showers, the cubicles are large, the water is hot and the jets are powerful – their only drawback is that they have a liquid soap dispenser that contains pretty smelly stuff and is hard to push.  Maybe next time I will remember to take my Dove for Men and our shampoo and conditioner.

We had an interesting evening yesterday because at 6.00pm we had to dress up in our finest to attend a Portunus party – free drinks whoopee! Then it was on to the lobster tail dinner and another meeting with what our now our good friends Peter and Kay Nash before heading into the theatre to see an entertainer “who can get a tune out of anything.”  It was an OK show, he wasn’t up to Roy Castle standards and when he brought out his penny whistle to play some Irish tunes the lady in front of us put her hands over her ears while the man next to her turned his hearing aid off!  For us it was a late night as we went from the theatre to the Crow’s Nest to see a trio plus lady singer who entertained us with ballads and we were there until nearly 11.00pm!  The singer was super and she sang one of my favourites, an Eva Cassidy title called Songbird – I spoke with her afterwards to find out if she sang Fields of Gold which I think is the best track on the album, but she is still learning that one.  Maybe we will see her on another cruise and hear it then.

The reason that I am blogging early today, apart from the fact that I was up early, is that our fingerprint man was early as well, this time putting on his lecture at 10.00am in the Theatre Royal which is a much better forum for him.  For a start it is much warmer in there than in the Pacific Room but more importantly the video screens are much more readable and for the first time we could actually make out a lot of the detail on his slides.  He also did a demonstration of how to take a fingerprint from a tumbler and transfer it to an image that could be used in the courtroom.  Of the two lecturers on the tour he really is the most entertaining but we will go and see the Shakespeare man later on and learn about some of the sonnets.

Tonight it is semi-formal and the Headliners afterwards, but at least I don’t have to get into the dreaded dinner suit trousers.  We have had our photographs taken a few times since we have been onboard and if all goes well these will be on this blog when I post it, take no notice of the dates superimposed on the photos as these were added when I re photographed them this morning.  Enjoy, and tomorrow we can tell you all about our day at our last port of call Palma – thanks for the comments, we much appreciate them.